The ending line is from a short story I wrote six years ago (yikes!) called “The Wind Maiden”. For those of you keeping score, you that’s the name of the novel I’m querying. I let a bunch of people read it and they all suggested I try expanding it. I did, and now my little short short story is a 122K word novel.
Just a little setup: Thea is a seventeen-year-old track athlete who finds herself in the middle of an interplanetary war on her home planet. After the resistance cell is ambushed, she decides to help, using the only thing she has: her gift of speed.
The beginning sentence belongs to a vague, unformed desire I’ve had for a little while to do something dystopian-esque. I know dystopias have been done to death, but the idea of getting to make up my own future history brings out the nerd in me. I have no details, but this sentence came to me a few days ago. Maybe it’s a character wanting her story told.
Old Ending:
She looked off into the east, tightened the laces on her mother’s gift to her, and did what she was born to do: she ran.
New Beginning:
I don’t care what the old folks say about me, but I was only seven when the world ended, you know; I just don’t remember it enough to miss it.
those are both fantastic sentences full of intrigue! Nice to meet you. :)
ReplyDeleteLove the second sentence. Even from that, I'm curious to see where it goes.
ReplyDeleteWow,
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence says so much.
That second sentence is so profound. Fantastic.
Michael
Hi,
ReplyDelete1) sensible girl: emotions combined with action!
2) intriguing: lends vast scope for future development and cameo flashbacks. ;)
best
F
Both of your sentences are great. i like the ending one best. Your beginning one sounds interesting and makes me curious what happened. Thank you fairy much for the birthday wishes and participating!
ReplyDeleteThanks, everyone for the comments. I'm glad you liked them. And nice to meet you, too, Pk!
ReplyDeleteThese are both so strong. The first has a real sense of completion and the second is tantalizing, I'd love to read more.
ReplyDeleteBoth are wonderful choices. I loved the ending one but the beginning....yes by all means it is a character in search of a story :)
ReplyDeleteJules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
Those are both great sentences. The character's voice was so clear in both selections.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to have found you. :)
Loved both of them. Very telling.
ReplyDeleteThe second one really spoke to me- that character sounds like they'd be a fascinating narrator!
ReplyDelete~bru
PS and oh, that puppy picture!!! *melt!*
ReplyDeleteThat first sentence is great. I like a good dystopian, and have one in the works myself (yes, I know they have been done to death, but oh well), but that sentence would definitely make me keep reading!
ReplyDeleteLove love love your sentences! AWESOME. Makes me want to go edit my post before anyone reads mine! HA. Nice job. And good to meet you!
ReplyDeleteGreat post Dan. The ending tied several of the story's threads together ;) You created lots of questions with that opening too.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on reaching 122K! Like you, I have two short stories that I am expanding into novels; one sci-fi currently at 50K and one horror at 17K.
ReplyDeleteThe old ending is perfect and has me wanting to read what has gone before. The new beginning I like very much; I like the character you are introducing. Both great lines.
Hi
ReplyDeleteJust catching up with everyone's entry in Summer's New Beginnings blogfest!
Last sentence of 2010 - lovely and poignant! (Congrats with expanding this to a novel!! Yay for you!)
First sentence of 2011 - Yay!!! I love the voice of the mc here - sort of cheeky know-it all but it's sad too.
Thanks for sharing, take care
x
Here for the New Beginning's Blogfest and enjoying your sentences. Your second sentence has quite a hook on it and the first is a quiet closure... very nice!
ReplyDeleteDystopia might be a little overdone, but there are no end to the options because it's the future. So long as it's a good dystopia, I say keep em coming! With an opener like that, you totally have me hooked :)
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!
~ Bess
Oh yeah, both are attention grabbing.
ReplyDeleteWorld building has its appeal. I'm in the middle of building one, and have discovered it is also totally frustrating . .
.........dhole
Love this story. I love that she's a runner. Hope you're out there querying.
ReplyDeleteI left you an award on my blog. Have a great day!
Both sentences are great, but especially the second one.
ReplyDeleteHi! I followed your profile pic over from DL Hammons's blog. Great to meet you! I love dystopian novels, and your new first line is intriguing. Love the angle of a gift for speed. Write on!
ReplyDeleteYour ending: I like that it could be very sad or rather happy, depending on what she's running from or running to
ReplyDeleteYour beginning: Quite evocative. What is life like after 'the end of the world'? Thanks for sharing both.